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Things you can say to mess people up

Here are a number of useful phrases you can use at work...

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

10. Ahhhhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14. No, my powers can only be used for good.

15. How about never? Is never good for you?

16. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Top 10 List

TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES

10. They ask for all their money in quarters.

9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.

8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).

7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.

6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.

5. Their fingers twitch all the time.

4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.

3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.

2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.

1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.

Stuff that's going on.

Not a whole lot going on right now. My happy life working evenings is on hold while I help head up a Demand Flow Manufacturing Team and am stranded on the dayshift until the end of January.

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Contact Me

If you have any questions, comments, suggestions,  accusations, jokes, limericks, or other amusing things to tell me that won't incite me to hunt you down and shave your head then gimme a shout. UGmaster